They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
