remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
