Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
