my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
