i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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