I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
