I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
