remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
