my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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