the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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