Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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