im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
