Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
