it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
