I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
