he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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