when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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