I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
