After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
