i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
