where am i from again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
