I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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