I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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