She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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