guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
