Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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