So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
