so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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