My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
