You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
