Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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