I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
