Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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