do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think my moral compass just broke
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
