I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
