Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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