What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
