so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He better not be in your backpack
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
