I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
