This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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