we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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