I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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