you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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