a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
