Me too!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
