I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
