DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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