Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
