If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
