I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
