TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
