how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
