we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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