you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
