I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i believe in u and ur pee
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
