You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
