two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
