my phone needs a breathalizer
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
