def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
