Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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