ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
