you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
